Funny

This is hilarious. I got a good laugh out of it.

Enjoy:



What do they teach them in school these days?!
The following excerpts are 10 and 11 year-old answers to history tests and Sunday school quizzes. They were collected over a period of three years by two teachers. Read carefully for grammar, misplaced modifiers, and of course, spelling!

Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies who all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died before he ever reached Canada but the commandos made it

Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. He was an actual hysterical figure as well as being in the bible. It sounds like he was sort of busy too.

The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a young female moth.

Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. He later died from an overdose of wedlock which is apparently poisonous. After his death, his career suffered a Dramatic decline.

In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java. The games were messier then than they show on TV now.

Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out "Same to you, Brutus."

Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw for reasons I don't really understand. The English and French still have problems.

It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood.

Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.

Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper which was very dangerous to all his men.

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter.

Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hotel. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Since then no one ever found it.

Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and also declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." He was a naturalist for sure. Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic.

Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handle was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.

Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf that he wrote loud music and became the father of rock and roll. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.

Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits but I don't know why.

Charles Darwin was a naturalist. He wrote the Organ of the Species. It was very long, people got upset about it and had trials to see if it was really true. He sort of said God's days were not just 24 hours but without watches who knew anyhow? I don't get it.

Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers. The other three were in the movies. Karl made speeches and started revolutions. Someone in the family had to have a job, I guess.

Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit

I just finished reading that book for my Contemporary Lit course. Quite good. I'd recommend it.

My favorite quote in it is...

If there's such a thing as spiritual adultery, my mother was a whore

[Rap]

Rap

Note to self. If Natalie Portman releases a CD....


Don't buy it.

There are the things...

That need to make the news.

J-Mac's meaningful message for autism

Its an article from ESPN talking about J-Mac [Jason McElwain] and his amazing story of basketball. Not only is there an article, but there's a video that talks to his coach, dad, fellow teammates and of course J-Mac himself. Seriously. This is absolutely amazing. I cried during the video and I don't cry.

Why can't the news report on things like this in the world. There are so many amazing and wonderful things going in this world. Why is it that all of the bad things make the press? It depresses me.

This boy did nothing but play the sport he loves. His coach did nothing but give the kid a chance. Not only is there the amazing sense of accomplishment that J-Mac feels for scoring 20 points and making 6 three pointers at the end of the game. But it also provides hope for the autistic and the families of those who are autistic. If J-Mac can do this, then what's to say there isn't a place where other autistic people can't accel.

*Sigh*

That story made my day... actually.. my week.